put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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