I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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