Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
