My room smells like vodka and shame
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
