I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
