Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
