I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
