My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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