I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
