If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
