I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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