Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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