He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
