you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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