i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
