my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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