On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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