Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
