U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
