So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
