yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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