How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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