Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
