i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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