I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
