You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
