You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
