He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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