Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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