Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
