Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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