Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
