im about as happy as oj after his trial
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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