Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
