DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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