Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
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she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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