Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
