Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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