Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
