here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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