NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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