why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
