have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
