How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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