Swine flu is the new snow day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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