The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
