omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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