Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
