I'm lost and stupid without you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
