please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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