Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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