Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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