Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
