jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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