Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
