Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I stole a fireplace last night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
