Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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