oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
