I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
