My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
