I like to think it a success when the cops are called
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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