I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
