we're blogging at a bar
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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