Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
