If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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