what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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