He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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