why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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