So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
