youre lurking in front of me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
