Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i barfeds in our rink
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
