The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
