nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I want her autograph on my taint
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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