omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
