i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
