my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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