the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Barsexuality is the new black.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
