I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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